RIDE the Wave

“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf”
— Jon Kabat-Zinn

“Ride the Wave” is a coping mantra that encourages you to lean into your emotions or urges and let them pass naturally, rather than fighting or feeding them. In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), it’s often used for tolerating intense emotions or cravings (like the urge to self-harm or panic attack symptoms). The idea is to visualize your emotion like a wave in the ocean: it rises, crests, and eventually falls and dissipates. If you can hang on and surf that wave – ride it out – it will pass. This skill is rooted in mindfulness and acceptance; you aren’t trying to push the feeling away or act on it impulsively. Instead, you stay present and observe it until it loses intensity. Telling yourself “ride the wave” can be a comforting reminder that no feeling lasts forever and you have the strength to outlast the peak of discomfort. It’s normal to want to escape big feelings, but sometimes the quickest way out is through – by feeling them and watching them recede on their own. The word “RIDE” can be a helpful acronym to guide this process: Recognizing the emotion, Investigating it to gather information, practicing Distress tolerance strategies, and finally Experiencing the emotion without suppression. By following this framework, you can stay grounded as you feel your emotions and let them pass.

The metaphor of emotions as waves comes from both mindfulness practices and addiction recovery techniques (like urge surfing). In Buddhism, feelings and thoughts are often likened to weather – temporary conditions of the mind. DBT, developed by Marsha Linehan, specifically teaches “urge surfing” in distress tolerance: noticing an urge like a wave, not automatically indulging it, and seeing that it will subside if not acted upon. Clinically, this approach helps with cravings (for substances, self-harm, binge eating) by using mindfulness of the urge. The phrase “Ride the Wave” encapsulates this in a friendly way. Culturally, many wise sayings reflect similar ideas: “This too shall pass,” or Rumi’s poem about welcoming emotions as guests. In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), a similar concept is letting feelings be, without trying to suppress them – because suppression often makes them stronger. Think of struggling in water: if you panic and flail, you exhaust yourself and might sink. If you float and let the wave carry you, you stay above water. Emotions are similar – panic at panic makes it worse. But accepting “okay, I’m really anxious right now” and breathing through it helps the anxiety eventually decrease on its own. By riding emotional waves, you build confidence in your resilience. You learn that emotions won’t drown you; you can safely experience them and come out the other side.

Steps to “Ride the Wave” of an Emotion or Urge

• Recognize the Coming Wave: First, notice that you’re experiencing a strong emotion or urge. This could be anger surging, a craving hitting, or a wave of sadness. Mentally acknowledge, “Here it is – a strong feeling of ___.” Sometimes even labeling it (“This is anxiety” or “This is an urge to drink”) helps you shift into observer mode rather than feeling like the emotion is you. Recognizing the wave means you realize “an emotional storm is here right now,” which sets you up to handle it skillfully.
• Stay Safe and Still (Don’t React Impulsively): Just as a surfer positions themselves to ride a wave (not fight it head-on), you get yourself in a safe stance. This means refrain from any impulsive actions the emotion is yelling at you to do. If you’re enraged and your urge is to throw something or send a hurtful text, pause. If you’re craving alcohol, don’t automatically grab the bottle – acknowledge the craving instead. You might literally say to yourself, “Don’t jump on this, just observe it.” If you need to, take a step physically away from any immediate temptation (e.g., step outside, put your phone down so you don’t text). The goal is non-action while the wave is peaking.
• Breathe and Ground Yourself: Focus on your breathing as your “surfboard” to keep you afloat. Take slow, deep breaths. Inhale for a count (e.g., 4), exhale for a count (e.g., 6 or 8) longer than the inhale – this engages your calming parasympathetic nervous system. Feel your feet on the floor or your hands on something solid (grounding technique). This anchors you in the present moment and in your body, preventing your mind from getting lost in the intensity. Remember, you’re riding, not drowning – breathing is like the surfboard that keeps you above the water.
• Observe the Emotion/Urghe Curiously: Now, mindfully notice what the wave feels like. Is your heart pounding? Face hot? Are there racing thoughts? You might mentally narrate: “Heart racing, chest tight, thoughts saying ‘I can’t stand this’.” Try to adopt a stance of curiosity, almost like a scientist observing a phenomenon or like watching a weather pattern. You’re not judging the feeling as good or bad, not trying to push it away, just noticing its qualities. If it’s an urge, notice how it comes in waves – maybe it builds, then eases, then builds again. You can even rate the intensity out of 10 as it changes. This observing part is key: it creates a slight distance between you and the emotion. You realize you are not the anger or craving; you are the observer riding it.
• Remind Yourself It Will Peak and Pass: While observing, remind yourself that no wave lasts forever. Emotions typically crest within minutes and then begin to decline (often 20-30 minutes or less for intense biochemical surges, though it can feel longer). You might use a mantra: “This will pass. Just hang on.” Some people visualize a wave graph – going up, reaching a peak, then going down. You’re essentially surfing or floating until you get to the other side. Recall times in the past when you felt similarly and it eventually passed – that memory can reassure you now.
• Ride It Out with Supportive Self-Talk: Coaching yourself through it can help. Phrases like: “I can handle this feeling,” “It’s okay to feel this, it’s not dangerous,” “One urge at a time – I only need to stay sober right now,” or simply “Ride the wave, ride the wave…” said internally. You’re being your own lifeguard. Some find it helpful to count breaths or count minutes, knowing each one passed is closer to the wave subsiding. Imagine the intensity as a wave you are successfully staying on top of, even if it’s bumpy.
• Notice the Wave Easing: Pay attention to even slight decreases in intensity. Maybe your breathing is a bit slower, or the urge is 5/10 now instead of 8/10. Recognize those signs that the wave is rolling through. As you feel it start to recede, you can deepen your slow breathing or perhaps introduce a calming thought: “I’m doing it; it’s getting easier.” Don’t be discouraged if the wave spikes again a bit – just keep riding. Eventually, you’ll find the emotion isn’t as overpowering. It might leave behind some residue (like feeling a bit sad or tired), but that tsunami of emotion is gone.
• Aftercare: Once the intense wave has passed, care for yourself. Often riding a big emotion can be draining. You might feel shaky or exhausted – that’s normal. Now is a good time to do something soothing or positive: drink water, have a healthy snack, call a friend, journal what you felt, or just rest. Appreciate your own strength: you survived that wave without letting it wash you away or make you do something harmful. That’s a big victory. Over time, each wave you ride builds confidence for the next one.

Example Scenario

Leo struggles with intense urges to self-harm when he feels overwhelmed. Today he got an upsetting call about a family issue and he feels a surge of despair and the impulse to hurt himself to escape the emotional pain. He remembers his therapist’s advice to “ride the wave.” Leo acknowledges, “I’m feeling a huge wave of pain and the urge to hurt myself.” He puts the means away from reach to keep himself safe, and sits down, hands gripping the chair. He closes his eyes and breathes deeply, even though he’s crying. His mind is shouting negative things, but he tries to just let those thoughts be without acting. He pictures the emotional pain as a giant wave. As he sobs, he keeps telling himself through gasps, “Just wait… it will crest and pass… just wait…” He times it – after about 10 minutes of intense crying, he notices he’s starting to calm down. The urge to self-harm, which was a 9/10, is now maybe a 5/10. He keeps breathing, now slower. Another 10 minutes and he’s exhausted, but the urge is down to a 2/10 – it’s there in the background, but not pressing. The wave of anguish has receded to sad acceptance. Leo washes his face with cool water, lays down and hugs a pillow. He feels relieved that he didn’t act on the urge. The next day, he reflects: that emotional wave was so intense but it did pass on its own. This gives him a bit more hope that next time, he can survive the wave too.

Resources

Article: “Ride the Wave” by DBT Self Help. An overview of the “Ride the Wave” technique, explaining its role in distress tolerance and how it helps individuals manage overwhelming emotions.

Article: “DBT Skill: Ride The Wave” by Grouport Journal. A detailed explanation of the “Ride the Wave” technique, including steps to implement it and its benefits for emotional regulation.

Article: “Urge Surfing: Distress Tolerance Skill Worksheet” by Therapist Aid. A practical worksheet that guides individuals through the process of urge surfing, a concept closely related to riding the wave.

Article & Video: “Urge Surfing: How Riding the Wave Breaks Bad Habits” by PositivePsychology.com. An article discussing how the urge surfing technique can help individuals manage cravings and reduce unwanted behaviors.

Article: “What Is Urge Surfing in DBT?” by The Wellness Society. An article exploring the concept of urge surfing, its applications in DBT, and how it aids in managing distressing emotions.

Video: “Ride the Wave: DBT Skill to Navigate Anxiety” by PCMH Colorado (2023). A video explaining the “Ride the Wave” technique, demonstrating how it can be used to cope with anxiety and other intense emotions.

Video: “DBT Emotion Regulation Skills: Riding the Waves of Emotions” by Kristen Galloway with Psychotherapy Academy (2025). An educational video that covers DBT emotion regulation skills, including the concept of riding emotional waves.