When we’re stressed or anxious, our muscles often tighten up, sometimes without us even realizing it. Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) is a technique that helps you systematically tense and then relax different muscle groups, teaching your body how to release physical tension. It’s like giving yourself a full-body sigh of relief. In DBT, PMR is often taught as part of the “paired relaxation” in the TIPP skills to help calm your body quickly. But it can also be used on its own anytime you want to reduce anxiety, prepare for sleep, or become more aware of where you hold stress in your body. PMR is simple to do – no special tools are required, just a few minutes of privacy. The result? A more relaxed body and a much calmer mind.

Developed by Dr. Edmund Jacobson in the 1920s, PMR is based on the idea that relaxing the body can calm the mind. Jacobson famously said, “An anxious mind cannot exist in a relaxed body,” meaning that when you relax your body, your mind follows suit. Research shows that PMR can reduce symptoms of stress, anxiety, depression, and even tension headaches. It works by toggling between muscle tension and relaxation: when you deliberately tense a muscle group, you increase your awareness of what tension feels like and then experience the contrast when you release it. This contrast trains you to notice and release tension in daily life.

Physiologically, tensing and relaxing muscles helps discharge neuromuscular tension and encourages blood flow, which is soothing. Many people who practice PMR report feeling deeply relaxed afterward, like a “rag doll” (in a good way) – heavy, warm, and at ease. It’s widely used in medical settings for pain relief and in sports psychology to help athletes relax under pressure. In DBT, while you might not always do a full 15-minute PMR session, a brief version can be used in crisis situations (the “P” in TIPP) to quickly lower arousal. However, making PMR a regular practice, like before bed, can build overall stress resilience. It’s a great addition to any self-care routine, especially if you have trouble winding down at the end of the day.

Steps to Practice Progressive Muscle Relaxation

• Set the Scene: Find a quiet, comfortable place where you can either lie down or sit supported. Loosen any tight clothing, take off shoes, and get into a comfy position (lying on your back with arms at sides is often ideal). You can close your eyes to minimize distractions. Take a few slow breaths to begin, maybe sighing out loud to start letting go.
• Tense & Relax Muscle Groups in Sequence: You’ll go through major muscle groups one by one. Typically, start at the feet and work your way up, or vice versa.
  • Feet: Curl your toes downward and tense the arches of your feet. Hold the tension for about 5 seconds – feel the tightness (don’t strain to the point of pain). Now exhale and release. Let your feet go completely limp for 10–15 seconds, noticing the difference.
  • Calves: Flex your feet (toes toward your head) and tighten your calf muscles. Hold 5 seconds… then release and feel the calves soften.
  • Thighs: Squeeze your thigh muscles (as if pressing your knees together or trying to stand up). Hold… then relax.
  • Hips/Buttocks: Clench your buttocks and hip muscles (pelvic area). Hold… and release. You might feel the surface supporting you more as you relax these muscles.
  • Abdomen: Draw your belly in, tightening your abdominal muscles (like bracing for a punch). Hold… then release, letting your stomach go soft. Take a calming breath.
  • Hands: Make fists with both hands, squeezing tightly. Feel the tension in fists and forearms. Hold… then unfurl your fingers and let your hands dangle loose.
  • Arms: Bend your arms at the elbows and tense your biceps (as if “making a muscle”). Or straighten your arms and lock your elbows to tense. Hold… then release.
  • Shoulders: Shrug your shoulders up to your ears, scrunching neck and shoulder muscles. Hold… then drop your shoulders down in one big exhale, imagining stress melting off.
  • Neck: Gently (without straining) press the back of your head against the floor or chair to tense neck, or you can push your chin down toward chest to tense front of neck. Hold… and ease off.
  • Face: This one can be fun – scrunch up all the muscles in your face. Squeeze your eyes shut, wrinkle your nose, clench your jaw, purse lips – the whole face tight like a lemon. Hold for 5 seconds… then utterly relax your face. Let your jaw hang, your eyelids soft, brow unfurrowed. Maybe open your mouth slightly to relax your jaw. Feel the smoothness after the squeeze.
  • Whole body (optional): Sometimes at the end, people like to do one big overall tension – e.g., inhale and tense everything from toes to face for 5 seconds, then exhale and go limp.
• Maintain Breathing and Awareness: As you move through each muscle group, keep your breathing slow and steady. Inhale as you tense, and exhale as you release. This rhythm can help deepen your relaxation. Focus on the sensation of relief you feel after each release. For example, after relaxing your shoulders, you might notice them feeling more open or a warmth spreading. Take time to savor that feeling. If your mind starts to wander (“Am I doing this right? What’s next?”), gently guide it back to the sensation in the muscle you’re working on. This mindfulness element is a key part of PMR.
• Take Your Time Between Groups: Don’t rush from one muscle group to the next. After releasing the tension, allow about 10 seconds to really notice the difference. This pause helps your muscles learn what true relaxation feels like. You might mentally say “Relax” or “Let go” as you release the tension. If any area still feels tight, feel free to repeat the cycle for that group before moving on. Be sure to keep your movements gentle to avoid cramping – moderate tension is enough; PMR should never be painful.
• Finish with Full-Body Relaxation: Once you’ve worked through all the muscle groups, do a mental body scan and compare how you feel now to when you started. You may notice a sense of heaviness, warmth, or calm. Enjoy this feeling of looseness. Some people imagine stress leaving their body like a dark cloud with each exhale, making room for lightness. When you’re ready, gently start to move (wiggle your fingers or toes, stretch lightly) and open your eyes. You might feel deeply relaxed or even a bit sleepy – that’s completely normal. Take a moment before standing up, especially if you were lying down, to avoid feeling dizzy.

Example Scenario

Tara struggles with anxiety and often ends her day with a stiff neck and headaches. To help, she begins practicing a 15-minute PMR session each evening. She lies in bed and listens to an audio guide that walks her through tensing and relaxing each muscle group. At first, she’s surprised by how difficult it is to “let go” – her shoulders feel almost resistant to relaxing. But after releasing the tension, she notices a soothing tingling warmth in her arms and legs. As she continues, Tara becomes better at finding the balance between tensing just enough and fully relaxing. She starts to notice improvements in her sleep – on nights she does PMR, she falls asleep faster because her body isn’t as wound up.

One day, Tara panics about an upcoming deadline at work. She realizes her body is stiff and tense. While she can’t lie down on the office floor, she remembers the principle of PMR. She spends 30 seconds clenching her fists under her desk and then releasing them, and shrugs and drops her shoulders a couple of times. It helps ease her tension, even if just a little. Over time, Tara’s overall anxiety decreases. The regular PMR practice has trained her body to relax on command, and she carries less stress throughout the day. Her tension headaches become less frequent.

Resources

Article: “TIPP Skill – Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Tools” by Homebase (2021). An overview of the TIPP skills, detailing how paired muscle relaxation can help regulate your nervous system during overwhelming emotions.

Article: “Progressive Muscle Relaxation” by Psychology Tools. An in-depth resource on progressive muscle relaxation, including its benefits and applications.

Script: “Progressive Muscle Relaxation Script” by Therapist Aid (2023). A guided script to help you practice progressive muscle relaxation, suitable for both beginners and experienced practitioners.

Video: “TIP Skill: Paired Muscle Relaxation” by Dr. Shireen Rizvi with DBT Skills from Experts (2020). A video tutorial illustrating how to practice paired muscle relaxation as part of the TIPP skills.

Video: “Reduce Stress through Progressive Muscle Relaxation (3 of 3)” by Johns Hopkins Rheumatology (2018). A video demonstrating how to use progressive muscle relaxation to alleviate stress.

Podcast: “Why TIPP Will Get You Through an Emotional Crisis” by Amy Morin with Verywell Mind (2025). Episode 172 discusses the TIPP skills, including paired muscle relaxation, as effective strategies for managing emotional crises.

Article: “Teaching Progressive Muscle Relaxation to Anxious Clients” by New Harbinger (2016). An article discussing how to teach progressive muscle relaxation to clients with anxiety.

Article: “Everything You Need To Know About Progressive Muscle Relaxation“ by Cleveland Clinic (2022). An article providing information on progressive muscle relaxation and its benefits.