We all have moments when our emotions get the best of us – whether it’s sadness, anger, anxiety, or those overwhelming urges that seem to take over. Healthy Distractions are ways to help you hit the pause button, giving your mind a break from those intense feelings. The goal isn’t to avoid your problems forever, but to give yourself a little space to let the emotional storm calm down. Think of it like waiting out a thunderstorm – you take cover until things settle, and then you can deal with the aftermath.

Healthy distractions are activities that temporarily engage your mind in a productive or neutral way, without causing harm. These can include things like going for a walk, watching a favorite comedy, drawing, playing a game, or listening to music – anything that absorbs your mind in a good way. By shifting your attention, you give your body and mind a chance to settle, creating space between you and the emotional pain, often making it feel less overwhelming. Research shows that acknowledging your feelings and then redirecting your focus can reduce their intensity. For instance, if you’re feeling anxious, organizing your photo gallery or cooking might help ease the anxiety, giving you the space to come back to the situation with a clearer mind.

Healthy distraction isn’t avoidance; it’s used deliberately and it’s short-term, with the understanding that you will come back to deal with the situation once you’re calmer. DBT’s distress tolerance skill, “Distract with ACCEPTS,” offers ways to redirect your mind, such as engaging in activities, contributing to others, or focusing on sensations. For example, someone fighting the urge to self-harm might squeeze ice cubes or snap a rubber band—intense sensations that help distract until the urge passes. Research shows that intense emotions, like waves, peak and then fade within about 20–30 minutes if we don’t feed them. Healthy distractions allow you to ride out those waves without making impulsive decisions. Healthy distractions are a compassionate way to take a break from emotional distress, helping you return to the situation with more calm and control, instead of reacting in ways you might regret.

Practical Tips

• Make a Distraction List: Put together a list of fun or engaging activities you can turn to when emotions or urges start to feel overwhelming. It’s best to make this list when you’re feeling calm. You might include things like: watch a funny YouTube video, do some jumping jacks, take a shower, play with your pet, work on a puzzle, read a chapter of a book, clean your room, bake cookies, call or text a friend, or even count backwards from 100. Try to come up with at least 5-10 options. Keep this list somewhere easy to grab, like on your phone or a sticky note – it’s tough to come up with ideas when you’re already in the heat of the moment.
• Use the “ACCEPTS” Categories: If you’re stuck, remember the DBT acronym “ACCEPTS” for types of healthy distractions:
  • A – Activities: Do something active: ride your bike, dance to one song, or organize a drawer. Physical movement often shifts your energy.
  • C – Contribute: Do something kind for someone else. This might be as simple as leaving a nice comment on someone’s post or helping a sibling with homework. Focusing on another person can lessen your own pain’s intensity.
  • C – Comparisons (Gratitude): Focus on things you’re that are good, or that are going well. This can be a quick mental list of things you appreciate in your life right now – big or small. Shifting your mindset to gratitude can bring a sense of peace and perspective, reminding you of the good things even when emotions feel overwhelming. You can also think about how others cope or remember past challenges you’ve overcome. This isn’t about ignoring your feelings, but about reminding yourself, “If I made it through this before, I can get through it now.”
  • E – Emotions (other): Try creating a different emotion by watching something funny (for a laugh) or listening to upbeat music (for some energy). It’s hard to stay stuck in fear when you’re laughing.
  • P – Pushing Away: Imagine putting the situation on hold for a bit. Picture boxing up your worry and placing it on a high shelf, promising to come back to it later when you’re in a better place.
  • T – Thoughts: Distract yourself with a mental game. You could try naming all the ice cream flavors you can think of, reciting song lyrics, or doing a Sudoku or crossword puzzle. Occupy your mind with a task that leaves no room for the upsetting thought.
  • S – Sensations: Use strong sensory input to bring you back to the present moment. Hold a cold ice cube, splash your face with cold water, or squeeze a stress ball. Intense sensations can really help you refocus.
• Set a Time Limit: Pick a set time to distract yourself – perhaps 15 to 30 minutes. You can set a timer, too. Giving yourself permission to not think about the issue for a while can relieve some of the guilt about avoiding it. Often, by the time the timer goes off, the urge or intensity has softened (sometimes even gone). Then, you can decide if you want to continue the distraction or return to the issue with a clearer mind.
• Engage Fully in the Distraction: When you pick a distraction, really commit to it. If you decide to play a video game, get totally into it. If you’re cleaning the kitchen, pay attention to the smells, the warmth of the water, the satisfaction of the clean countertops. Your mind might wander back to the upsetting thought – that’s okay! Just notice it (“Okay, I see you, worry“) and gently bring your focus back to the task. It’s like watching a movie: focus on the plot of the distraction, not the plot of your anxiety.
• Avoid Unhealthy Numbing: Make sure your distractions are healthy. Things like drinking, using substances, overeating, or risky behavior may distract you for a bit, but they usually end up making things worse. The same goes for endlessly scrolling social media if it tends to make you feel worse. Healthy distractions are those that either lift you up or at least don’t harm you. For example, playing your favorite sport is great; chugging a bottle of wine is not. Watching a funny show is healthy; self-harming is definitely not. If you’re unsure, ask yourself: “Will I feel okay about this afterward?” If yes, it’s probably a good distraction.
• Use Distraction in Moderation: Remember, the purpose is to give you relief until you can handle the feelings or address the problem, not to permanently avoid ever dealing with it. So, once you’ve calmed down, try to return to what upset you and see if you can handle it. If you start to feel overwhelmed again, just do another round of distraction. Over time, you might find you need fewer distractions before you feel okay again. The key is to break the cycle of “panic -> impulsive reaction” and replace it with “urge -> distraction -> calmer -> thoughtful response.”
• Prepare Emergency Distraction Kits: Having a “distress toolbox” on hand can be super helpful. It could be an actual box or bag filled with items that can engage your senses and mind – like a stress ball or fidget toy (touch), peppermint or citrus-scented lotion (smell), a playlist of your favorite songs (hearing), a funny photo or quote (sight), or some gum or a piece of chocolate (taste). You could also include a list of your top five go-to distractions. When a crisis hits, it’s easy to feel stuck – having this kit ready means you don’t have to think too hard, just grab something and start your healthy distraction.
• Notice the Difference: After using a distraction, take a moment to notice how you’re feeling. You made a positive choice to cope! Check in with yourself – is your heart rate slower? Are you breathing easier? Do you feel a little less intense? Often, you’ll find that the emotional wave has passed. When you see that the distraction worked, you’ll build confidence in using it again. Each time you successfully ride out an urge or emotion, you’ll feel more in control of your feelings, not the other way around.

Example Scenario

Aiden, who sometimes struggles with intense anger, just got a text from a family member that really upset him. His anger flares up quickly – his face feels hot, his heart is racing, and he has the urge to either throw his phone or send a harsh reply. But instead of reacting immediately, Aiden remembers the Healthy Distractions he’s been practicing. He heads straight to his “toolbox” – grabs his stress ball from his desk and squeezes it hard. Then he steps outside and starts shooting hoops in the driveway, knowing that physical activity has helped him before. For the next 15 minutes, Aiden focuses on the basketball – dribbling, aiming, shooting. As he moves, his body starts to relax, and his breathing slows down. Little by little, the anger starts to fade. After 30 minutes, he feels tired but much less furious. He’s no longer thinking about smashing his phone. To fully reset, Aiden decides to take a cool shower (another great distraction). While in the shower, he starts planning a calmer way to respond to the text. By the time he’s finished, Aiden’s anger has gone from a “10” to a “2.” He feels good about not doing something he’d regret. Later, he replies to the text in a calm tone, addressing the issue without insulting anyone. By using healthy distractions like exercise and self-care, Aiden gave himself the time to cool off and respond thoughtfully, rather than reacting impulsively in the heat of the moment.

Resources

Website: “Distracting Activities: DBT Skills, Worksheets, Videos” by DialecticalBehaviorTherapy.com. This resource offers a list of pleasurable activities to use as distractions, emphasizing the importance of healthy coping mechanisms.

Website: “Distraction Skills in Dialectical Behavior Therapy: A Key to Managing Mental Health Conditions” by Grouport Therapy. This resource explains the role of distraction skills in DBT and provides examples of activities to use as distractions.

Podcast: “Distress Tolerance Overview Part 1” by The Skillful Podcast (2021). This episode introduces DBT’s distress tolerance skills, including healthy distractions, offering strategies to navigate intense emotions without worsening the situation.

Website: “Finding Calm in Chaos: Coping Strategies to Get You Through it” by Coley Williams, LMFT (2017). This article offers practical guidance on establishing and practicing healthy coping strategies to manage stress and emotional challenges effectively.